Step for Step

I find it quite difficult to decide on things. I've known about Lolita for a long while, but never did I think to wear it until now. Seeing that I now have enough money to purchase it:P
From when I stared to enter the teenage world shirts and dresses were far from my mind.
I wasn't very confident about myself at the time, due to my younger years being over weight and being teased at school about it. Being called names about being ugly. I actually started to think I actually was and that people would laugh at me should I be more different than I already was. It broke me.
This changed when I entered my teenage years. I was still insecure about my looks but developed a brand new style and self confidence.
I had discovered the Gothic style and was totally in love thinking I've found what I was looking for.
And for a while it was. I basically wore baggy black overseaz trousers (brand name) and baggy black rock band t-shirts.
My whole wardrobe darkened, and I even started to wear black make-up and such.
I felt quite at home with myself, but still a feeling was starting to urge up inside of me, crying out for change.
For my part I was a right old tomboy ,and still partly am. But secretly inside I'm such a female.
I adore and admire a lot of sweet, beautiful things, and would love to be caught up in a classical romance. Dreaming away of my longed prince to rescue me from my tower.
Since my 16th birthday I started to loose quite a lot of weight, because I was often ill will stomach aches and such. I changed. From the outside but also from the inside. I still haven't got a lot of things straight but hey thats all part of growing up.;)
But in this process I came to know that I wanted to be more feminine. I wanted to be girly. But I still loved my old Gothic style. I was comfortable there.
So my style changed to the more classic variant of goth. Instead I wore beautiful long black dresses to the fantasy fair events. I felt beautiful and this gave me confidence. I wanted to show the world what was hidden inside the shell I had been hiding in. And through that to develop further.
I had an eye for detail and elegance. Wishing I had been born in the Renaissance or Victorian era. Dining with rich guests using etiquette, having tea parties in lovely summer gardens, ones appearance being everything, strolling in the park showing your latest strolling dress arm in arm with a handsome gentleman, corsets to pin you together, having a painter paint a portrait of me. The list could go on...
I longed to be in a world that no longer was. If you ask me all girls should be dressed like the young ladies of old ;)
Moving on I finally I got into the skirts and dresses. I still wore my overseazed (brand name) trousers but wore them less and less until they just stayed in my wardrobe. Which has been cleaned out recently, so they're gone forever. :(
Then short skirts and mini dresses came to my attention, I wanted to show off my legs. I had wanted to wear short skirts for quite a while but thinking I was not worthy of them I never did dare to.
I still remember making my first short dress purchase. It was a black Gothic mini dress with a big puffy petticoat. The brand was HellBunny. I remember having it on, feeling really excited. But would I ever wear it in public? It would be a waste of my money if I didn't.
I did buy the dress still feeling unsure. But boy was I glad because this was my first step into the shortness world. Not looking anything like a whore or anything. But I dared show what I had. Even wearing tighter clothes which was totally taboo 3 years ago.
I felt more and more like a girl and wanted to feel perfect in every kind of way. I didn't want people to catch me wearing something that did not suit me. Or showed too much of which I did not want to show.
Forwarding the story a bit I've come to the stage of actually having money to buy Lolita clothes and actually outweighing the pros and cons. When I came to realize that this could actually be the style for me.
Encountering the elegance, the feminism, details, beauty and grace, that I already loved.
I am still a mere beginner but have already had a fair share of fashion experience in the past.
This style is of course something totally different than what I am used to. But hey that was my first thought of Gothic too.
So... who knows?!:)