Tuesday, January 3, 2012

When there is no remedy..

..there's something still bleeding inside of me and I don't seem to be able to fix it. It hurts everyday and pulls me down. But I still stand strong in my shoes, chin up.
I regret it every time and I know I make it even worse every time I lash out.
I hate myself even more every time it happens. And I try I really do. I try hard, but maybe not hard enough I guess.
Though I do try to accept your mistakes, some of which are harder to accept than I imagined.
And I don't understand why I break up into a thousand pieces when I was just half way to repairing myself again or was it just a dream?
Over and over again, even though I swear I saw our names written in the stars in the endless sky.
Even though it was your mistake and I am the suffering one I feel so in the wrong. I don't think I ever did anything wrong. Was it right to forgive you?
My body feels empty and heavy when your not around, there is a big hole ripped in my soul, I hope I'm not wounded for life.
My breathing becomes slow every time I think about those terrible memories when I suffered fresh pain. But the pain has become worse as time passed. My head becomes numb with thousands of thoughts running through me blinding me and hindering me to see the right choices.
I want to stay awake for you and watch over you. I want to bind you to myself so I don't have to be so lonely.
My common sense tells me to let go whilst my heart clings to the love that burns deep in my soul..
Will this torture ever end..?

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy New Year Everyone!

Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope everyone had a blast on New Years Eve and hopefully no one ended up in hospital with some kind of inqury :P.
Another year has past and before I could even blink it flashed by me. But of course with many fun, loving and pleasent memories. And yes sometimes not so pleasent.
But hey life goes on and we're one experience richer.
I'm quite bad at remembering things I did in the past year. Especially the ones at the beginning of the year, but I'd like to look back at the fun times I had, the wonderful new people I met, the amazing places I've discovered and lolitastic meetings I attended. I also looked back at the unpleasant things that had happend this year, which brings me to my first resolution of the new year!:

I'm going to forgot the things that weren't so pleasant and move on. A good fresh start is great for anyone. I'm going to do all the things I want and remember the lovely time I had.

Normally I don't write these kind of things down because in my mind I'm making a concrete statement. Which means I have to do it which also means I have to have the responsibilities that come along with it. Which means I'll end up me not doing them.:P
No idea why it's so. I just like to live my life by the day. So much more care free and easy. :P

But never the less some things need to be stated and burned in order for new life to bloom.
Tell me what are your new years resolutions?

I want to wish everyone a lucky new year and that this year may be full of love and happiness!

Thanks for reading and take care!